Today....

Today I turned 30. Today i grew a year older. Today I realize I am getting old-er.  Today I realize again how blessed I am.  Today, although I celebrate a day when two people fell in love and had me, I have a heavy heart.  Today, the city of Abilene lay to rest a 10 year old boy, whom I did not know, but had such an impact on the community.  Rex joined Jesus after a two year battle with cancer.  I watch his beautiful service in tears as I am convicted of my impatience with my children, as the night before I tell my husband that our children are bad.  I am convicted because often I show my children conditonal love because they make other people around them uncomfortable by being opinionated, outspoken and loud and rambunctious. I quite often show them conditional love because they make me feel uncomfortable as other people look at me with those eyes as if I don't know how to parent my child.  But today I repent! Today, I no longer carry conditional love. I only have unconditional love for my most perfect children whom God blessed me with.  If you know Jaxon, you will know that this boy is nothing like anybody in our family. He is vivacious, loud, strong, goes 100% in everything he does. He hugs like he isn't going to see you again. He says NO proudly and tells you that he is going to say No.  He is strong willed. He walks by you and may give you a little kick because he felt like he needed to.  He is a two year old boy. He is full of life and I quite often squash his spirit all for the sake of pleasing other people.  I squash his spirit all for the sake of pleasing other people...yep, mother of the year goes to me.  But as I turn 30, it has hit me more so than ever that I may not have him tomorrow and my life would be empty without him.  As I watch Rex's service, I realize no day is promised.  You see, I grew up a people pleaser. I grew up boring. Jax is not that.  I become uneasy because everybody should be people pleasers, right? NOT! I remember praying when we found out that I was pregnant with Jax that I wanted him to be strong, one to change lives, one to be heard and God blessed us with just that.  He has definitely been heard and he is only 2!  People always look at us and say "oh you have your hands full" and I do, but THANK GOODNESS! Thank goodness, that everyday he challenges me as a parent.  Thank goodness, Jax is real. There is nothing fake about him. He will tell you how it is. There is no hiding the truth.  Thank goodness and praise Jesus! 

So as you can see, 30 makes you wiser.  You wake up and smell the coffee. You learn and you live.  You become more real.  If you are reading this and you are thinking, this is so me...LET IT GO! You might be reading this and judging me, but hey judge away! ;)  There is only one that you need to be pleasing to and he is the one that created my Jax.  Tonight and every night, I will hold my babies a little bit longer and kiss on them a little bit more. 

This 30 gig is not so bad!  Can't wait to see what this decade has in store for me and my family.  And when you turn 30, who says you have to grow up...